I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
