I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
