Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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