Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
