But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
me + whiskey = a bad person
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
