she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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