Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
