Jerry, you need to find god
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
