then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
