Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize