If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
