If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wear drunk well.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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