After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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