Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
