3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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