Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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