Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
