I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
