I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
