He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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