I molested 6 butterflies tonight
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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