ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
