i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wear drunk well.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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