omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
