i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
