thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
