put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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