if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
