My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
