Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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