My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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