Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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