so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize