Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
