This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
