Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
