hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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