i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
