ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize