kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
