I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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