38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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