Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
