I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
