Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
