quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
