Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
