I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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