Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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