Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I smell like Dick and happiness
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
