I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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