u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The ass gains better be worth it
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