No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
