Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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