I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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