my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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