I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
