so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
