The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
