i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
