i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
