he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
