You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Boobs speak an international language.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize