so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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